I Have Borderline Personality Disorder, and I Am Not a Monster

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I am sad. I am angry. I am OK. I am anxious. I am happy. I am numb. I am every emotion rolled into one.

I hate you. You’re horrible! Leave me alone. Please don’t leave me. You’re a good person. I’m lonely. I need you. I’m a bad person. Go away! I don’t need you. I’m sorry. I hate you. Don’t leave me.

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I am inconsolable when I cry. I am bubbly and bright when I’m happy. I throw things, shout, scream and hurt people when I am angry. I hurt myself so I don’t feel so empty. I tell myself deserve it. I feel like a bad person on my bad days.

 

I attempt suicide because I feel like there is no other way out. I am sometimes uncontrollable. I am impulsive. I make reckless decisions. I hurt people because my head tells me they’re bad. I want people to hurt as much as I hurt. Things are black and white, there is no in between. I push my friends away. Please don’t leave me.

READ MORE:   9 Major Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder

 

I am treated like a criminal. Society tells me I am “crazy,” that I should be locked up, that I will never amount to anything. The police tell me I am childish, that I am wasting their time, that the next time they see me they’ll treat me like a criminal because that’s what I’ll turn into. I am a bad person.

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